Mid Heaven

"To get some of the brightest views of the skies, December nights are the best. This month was discernible by a chain of concurrences and it also has the full view of the planet "Saturn". Though a clear sky facilitates the seeing of the winter sky - they are more beautiful to look at while the sky is either deep blue or dark." The bright planets of Venus and Jupiter along with the moon are also coming closer to each other to make an unusual sight. " (taken from The Planet Articles in Encyclo Central)





During this time of my life, there are emotions that I can't escape from. Most of the time, my emotions enclose me and instead of tuning them out, I listen. For some people this is a bad or negative thing because they are unsure of how to respond to it, but I figure that it's for them to deal with. Lately, for the past week or so I've been feeling closer to the universe and further from the world. I can feel the moon beating down on me and the sun caressing me. If I ignore it all, what good will it do me? So what if I'm not being black/white about the thoughts that are currently embodied within me – I don't care if you get what I'm saying or not because to me it makes sense.

Lately, I've been remembering every single one of my dreams and have been taking the time to share them by writing them down. Only certain dreams I remember, others will fade away, and at times I'll remember a part or an image of a dream that didn't piece itself together for me.

Last night's dream meant something to me.

Here's the dream: I was standing on the edge of a beach trying desperately to push the ocean water back, it was dark and the stars enveloped the sky, the ocean and the ground beneath me. Slowly, I'd turn to a voice that was calling me, and nothing was there. When I turned back to face the ocean, it was gone…I was now in an orange grove, much like the orchard in my old neighborhood growing up. I started walking through the trees searching for something and as I continued to walk, I saw a dear friend of mine. He seemed cold and lonely – I approached him and I started to shake off some leaves that clinged to his jeans. When I looked down, I noticed that I wasn't a person, but was a cat. I didn't feel so different, but knew that I had to leave, and just like that I flew away.

I do have an idea of what it means, but that's the personal part for me. Telling you that my dreams mean something to me is vague and general, I'm sharing something general, it's nothing that anyone needs to feel uncomfortable about – we all have dreams. I'm no different from you because I chose to write and think about it.

Some of the people who have been in my dreams lately, I feel a strong connection to and miss dearly inside of my heart. It makes me a little sad, however I know it must be a positive force, not a negative. I miss them and hope life is well on their part.

We are sad people beneath it all, buried deep within the earth's crust begging for life, pleading to be loved, in always despite our faults. That's so sad to me. Lonely is sad. I don't want people to be or feel alone, but sometimes it's inevitable. Everyday, we fight to be happy, in our jobs, in the people we choose to have in our lives, in the books we read and in our choices, we fight to be happy.

I think that birth is the closest thing to death. We are striving for breath, emerging from one dark spot to another maybe even darker spot not knowing what to expect. We end up in the arms of someone who we think is going to love us – but may never will. Dreams bring me closer to life.

Anyway, thanks for taking the time to read this.

Snow White is an immigrant

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had to delete this, because someone plagiarized me, go figure!

Tee Vee

CBS.com has started showing "Twin Peaks"... they have truly stolen my heart! Yes, it's hard to find time to do anything these days, much less go to the movies (which is something I adore) and watching a good show on the telly. Well, thank goodness for fucks sake, that the internet has everything I've ever imagined and more.

Not only do I get to skip the crowds and watch New Releases online (no I won't tell you where I get my movies from), but to know that the best show in television history is now available online for easy viewing pleasure. What a great way to kill 40 (work) min. (teehee) Laura Palmer lives.

Now,I won't get into all of the crappy/trashy television shows I've come addicted to, but there are episodes upon episodes of all this deliciousness right at your fingertips. I used to think that cosmo and m&m's were the answer to all of my life's worries, and well for the most part YES...but add your favorite novella to the mix, and you got pure hormone heaven.

Muppet Memories

Growing up, The Muppets and Sesame Street were the biggest influences on me. If they were silly, so was I. If they counted to 10, so did I. If they sang happy songs about butterflies or mashed potatoes...so did I. They were my heroes. Jim Henson was a big part of my childhood growing up. I miss the simple imagery, brightly colored and personality driven charachters he created. His work will forever be a scar on the lives, and careers of many. I wonder if Matthew Furie was heavily influenced by Jim Henson...duh. Almost like a mix of warped muppets and 80's glam-nostalgia. He's one of my favorite artists, and I just wanted to share one of his pieces.

And here is one of Jim Hensons commercials from way back when about La Choy Oriental Food featuring a wonderful dragon. So weird and entertaining...very silly and I like!

Falling

Ever have one of those dreams where you're falling? I have to say those are some of the scariest moments of a waking, or sleeping life.

Last night I was walking through a dark road. The road was washed up with broken signs and garbage. The further I walked, I realized it was a dead end road leading nowhere. Instead f turning back I kept walking onward.

As I continued to walk, I could hear strange sounds rustling in the trees surrounding the road, so I started running. Just as I was approaching the dead end, I began falling and falling. I never quite landed, but just kept falling and saw only the sky, darkness and light.

Now usually, when it's a dream in which I'm falling I feel that I wake up right away. This time, it wasn't the case. I'm not sure if I continued to fall, or if I began dreaming of something else, however I continued to sleep and woke up at my usual time.

I remembered my dream quite clearly, and the first thing I thought of was the song "Falling" by Julie Cruise, and of course what Laura Palmer said when asked

Donna: "Do you think that if you were falling in space... that you'd slow down after a while, or go faster and faster"?

Laura: Faster and faster... until after a while you wouldn't feel anything... and then your body would just burst into fire. And the angel's wouldn't help you, 'cause they've all gone away...

Please enjoy this lovely song by Julie Cruise:



You can find some more Twin Peaks/Lynch music on my personal music page here:

http://www.myspace.com/laurapalmer39sdreamsandnightmares

Inspiration

‘When I was younger, my grandmother asked me if it was better to go through life chasing a dream that will never come to fruition or never having a dream to chase. She later attempted to clear out a restaurant with a two-hour wait by holding a Bic lighter into the air and chanting “fire, fire.” Here’s to the chase. –Grant Barnhart


I am so busy these days and just wanted to share some visual inspration. Beauty surrounds us everyday. Even the open road has something to offer the senses. Driving to work is a different experience each day. My son, being with him and loving him means something new to me each time we talk or spend time together. There's not a single waking moment that is a waste, it's all worth it.

There's is always something to wake up to. We might feel depressed, unloved or worthless...still, there is something for us as long as our hearts are still beating...there is no rest for the wicked.

Life is just as strange as it is amazing. We have to have a pure, open mind when approaching life. If you take the time to sit, breathe and swim in your own thoughts, you could actually hear what quiet is like. It's like a hum on a humid night...full moon, and swaying trees. Quiet is that soothing rhythmic heart beat that lasts nonaseconds, to only collapse into one long extended note...it's constant.

When the quiet is audible, I think of words and images...it's as natural as blood flow, and stagnant like a vast open lake. The images morph into words and create stories inside my head.

Sometimes the quiet is drowned out by things in our daily life. It's when the quiet is drowned, that I search for visual images, or mental images created by other people.

It's cool to find inspiration in yourself, in the world, and the people that surround you. Don't close the door on any idea, you are not godly...be accepting of others, you never fucking know.

Good Night

Evolve

I’m starting to evolve; in my own way. I notice a difference in my sleeping patterns and in my habits, in general. My atoms are exploding, and my stamina…solid with a soft edge. I’ll cry in the rain and laugh in the moonlight. It’s a woman thing, a cosmic thing. I’m in love with the idea of the unknown, and am in love with the unknown being something really wonderful.

The trees gently sway as ribbons of rain scatter through oxygen that we breathe – so nurturing. And even though the sun is out, it can’t be seen. Crying in the rain is comforting to me. My eyes are heavy, and my heart so tender, it’s sensitive to anything gentle that I know. It does feel as if my atoms are exploding, and in a way they are. Weeping is an internal combustion, that extends externally with tears.

Soft billowy sheets that cradle every waking curve of my body; I’m surrounded by darkness as the skies’ water softly taps at my window in steady beat. The clouds, now that’s a different story. The clouds envelop me…warm like my mother’s kind arms that rocked me to sleep with melodic lullabies, and soft like her kisses.

Here’s the thing: my cries don’t last. The thoughts don’t last. They drift in and out, as scurried as the weather. Rain be it one day, and sunshine the next. Cloudy some, blizzardy another.

I enjoy the changes…because even though my emotions shift, my heart remains tranquil, and complete.